zkkmin's posterous http://zkkmin.posterous.com a personal blog of changes, challenges, failures, adventures and quests posterous.com Wed, 08 Dec 2010 15:54:00 -0800 Emotions Bankruptcy http://zkkmin.posterous.com/emotions-bankruptcy http://zkkmin.posterous.com/emotions-bankruptcy


Life is the cruel teacher. It will make sure you learn something by throwing lessons after lessons until you learn. Why is this happening to me? Why are people lying? Look at these knives sticking out of my back? Oh Why? Why? I asked and asked without seeking the answer.

I was so immersed in self pity, I missed the whole point: to learn and grow. Instead, bullshits piled up at darkest corners of mind. Visions were sway and distorted, fuelling more nasty down cycles of emotional mishaps. Boom! Before I knew it, I became a pathetic piece of shit. I let my guards down, and let events get the best of me.

When looking back at these unfortunate episodes, there was a theme, there was a pattern. It was the same story, same happenings and of course same lesson to learn. I was so busy collecting twisted emotions, I forgot to let go. I forgot to move on. I has forgotten the face of my father as Roland of Gilead might say.

I messed up. I have to do something before it is too late. Inspired by Task Bankruptcy from www.mostlymaths.net, I decided to filed an Emotions Bankruptcy. It is simply to let go of all these emotional junks. I need to disown them and save myself from the loser state. But how?

There is a simple practice in Buddhism. Just to be aware of feelings and emotions, be aware how they show up, how they seek for attentions and how they exist apart from me. It may work or it may not. I am going to try out this simple practice to built myself, piece by piece.

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